My Heart's Desire

Here is a challenge from STM for this week for our blogs, check it out:

http://www.scrapthatmoment.com/boards/showthread.php?t=7063

My heart's desire probably will resemble several others, I know my friend Jami and I have a lot in common with our desires (check her blog out: http://www.myscrapblog.com/jami/) but I also think that is because our family, especially our husbands mean so much to us. Similar to Jami's blog, I also am married to the most wonderful man in the world and I almost lost him back in April. I will talk more about that in a moment. My heart's desire is no secret: It is that my husband and I can live to a ripe old age together and be able to enjoy each other and our families as we grow old together. I hope that we will have good health to be able to travel and see as much of this great Earth that we can. We both enjoy fishing and I would love to be able to travel to exotic places and fish in some of the most unusual places and see some of nature's greatest wonders with the man I love. I hope that we are able to enjoy our grandchildren and take them to places that we were unable to take our own children so we can experience new sights and sounds together. We both have talked about opening up a bed & breakfast near a lake or river, because we both enjoy the serenity only watching and listening to the water lapping the shore can give you. I hope this is something we both can enjoy in the future. Keith would love to be a hunting/fishing guide for the men visiting our B&B while I would have little workshops for the women with cooking, scrapbooking, crafts! We both love meeting people and sharing/teaching our skills/hobbies.

My biggest desire though is that my husband take better care of himself so we can have those years together. My husband is a heavy smoker of about 28 years. He is overweight by about 80 lbs and carries most of it in his gut. Both of these mean he is a heart attack waiting to happen. He had back surgery in April for a herniated disc, and a surgery that should have only taken about 1-1/2 hours turned into a 3 hour procedure. Because his was on his belly, pressure from his gut pushed fluid into his lungs and the anesthesiologist was unable to wean him off of the ventilator. A surgery that should have been a one day stay, turned into Keith being admitted to Intensive Care on the vent and a subsequent week long stay. A big factor in his respiratory problems was his weight and his smoking. He did subsequently stop for 4 WEEKS and as soon as he went back to work, he started right back up! I was so furious with him, and I still am. Since I am a nurse, he has heard all the data, risk factors, etc. but he continues to ruin his health. I have tried anger, pleading and threats, including, how do you think your children and your granddaughter are going to feel when they loose daddy/papa when he is so young. I am only 43 and he is only 44 but he looks 10-15 years older than me. I have told him that because he has chosen to ruin his health that I shouldn't be punished that he cannot do anything. He can't hardly walk anywhere without panting and having difficulty breathing and the pain in his back and feet is tremendous (from his weight). I have tried to convince him to eat healthier and I only buy and cook nutritious/low fat/low cal meals. He consequently stops and picks up a hamburger or pizza on the way home if he works late.

I know this may sound just horrible, but I do feel this way right now. I am still young and have many plans once my children are grown and that includes traveling with lots of sightseeing involved. I have no desire to push a wheelchair around or wait on my husband in his scooter or power chair. I should not be punished from doing things I want to do and have worked hard for to sit at home and take care of a debilitated man who has done this to himself. So my greatest desire is that my husband get a clue and start taking care of himself so we can enjoy our future together, not separately!